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We previously wrote about ‘the student’ as being a ‘coat of many colours’ and presumably there were some who found them useful caricatures.  In the hope that we can help change students’ behaviour, we thought we might now share a few more insights with you by looking at the caricatures of examination candidates. 

Over the years I have been both examiner and marker and I would like to share my experiences with you so that you may learn about the mistakes of many (too many!) candidates, and what examiners are looking for.
 
 
The candidates that markers love to hate
 
The Text-er (or Abbreviator) is the telephone groupie who insists on wrtg wds as sht as poss with the aim of shortcircuiting the inconvenient rigmarole of English syntax.  The vigour used by inventive candidates to shorten even shortened words produces a type of personal shorthand that is incomprehensible (or should I say, xcompre) to the marker.  The fact that the keypad enthusiast has also forgotten how to write and often produces sml poorly 4md wds only xacebates the problem!
 
The Waffler spends the exam writing about anything but the question and bores the marker to death.  Practised at prevarication here is the expert of prolonged discussion of inessentials.  Happily explaining how best to get from Euston to King’s Cross by way of Peterborough, Crewe, Glasgow and Aberdeen, this candidate always chooses the most complicated and drawn-out of explanations.  Full of bluff and fluff these extraordinary compounds of vacuous knowledge fool nobody – except perhaps the student! 
 
The Correspondent (or Letter-Writer) writes personal messages and platitudes to the marker by way of footnotes:
  • “This is the sixth time I’ve sat the paper.” (Help – I know I’ve failed again!)
  • “Have a nice Christmas.”, or “Hope you are well.”, or “Have a nice day.” (Be charitable – be  generous!)
  • “My calculator has broken down …” (I’ve no idea how to do the mathematical calculations!)
  • “Sorry this is not one of my days – I’ve just recovered from flu.” (I think I‘ve failed – please give  me the benefit of doubt!)
The prodigious and self-depreciating appeals of even the most inventive of candidates always fall on deaf ears!
 
The Politician doesn’t address the question, because: it is unwelcome, appears obscure, is not carefully read, or more ubiquitously because he or she is strongly resolved to ensure that the question fits a rehearsed answer - an assertion of ‘fair play’ one might say!  Also many students seem to have a paranoia of ascribing a multitude of different meanings to uncomplicated words: How is often confused with What -  Why with Which -Discuss with Describe - Explain with List -Analyse with Calculate, and Issues with Benefits. (How would you react if, when you asked about the price of a course of study, you were treated to an exposition on the militaristic excesses of contemporary student democracy?)
 
The Sprinter does not take time to read the question carefully but rushes on to answer it anyway.  This genre of candidate is easily spotted by markers, because answers are invariably wrong. 
 
The Muralist is the volume freak who tries to cover as many pages as possible with large writing, enormous spaces, meaningless numbers and formulae, inappropriate diagrams, long lists, tables and charts, and of course, graphs.  Such candidates who seem possessed with sado-masochistic tendencies of inflicting pain on markers are normally in shock when they receive low grades.  
 
The Clairvoyant thinks that the examiner can understand a page of unrelated facts, disconnected argument, unexplained figures and unsupported findings.  Some normal problems:
  1. No indication of number or section of question being answered.
  2. A wrong answer with no workings.
  3. The use of strange figures, with no explanation.
  4. No titles to statements, tables, charts and graphs.
  5. Assumptions not revealed.
  6. Answer ‘punch-line’ not emphasised and hidden in a mass of jumbled figures.
  7. Are variances favourable or adverse?

 

The Mantra-Chanter thinks that if something is quoted it will earn marks even if it is not in context.  There are numerous varieties of mantra:
  1. definition dropping (regurgitation)
  2. buzz word dropping
  3. namedropping (of famous authors)
  4. formula dropping (the more complicated, the better)
  5. accounting/audit standard dropping
  6. law dropping (word by word)
Used in context to support discussion and argument, all these ‘mantras’ are likely to earn marks, otherwise they fail to impress.
 
A variant on the Mantra-Chanter’ is the Example-r, who doesn’t develop a logical discussion or general point but instead submits a series of examples from which the marker is expected to gleam the answer.  Yet, another variant is the Highlighter who goes to town highlighting every word that has been ‘dropped’ or that needs to be emphasised.  Highlighting is usually accomplished by high-lighter ink (often yellow) or by underlining with red biro.  It is helpful for the marker to be given a ‘road map’ by the use of occasional underlining, but this should be used sparingly.  Too much underlining/highlighter ink is not only unnecessary but is also very distracting.
 
The Tautologist, answers the question by repeating it: ‘An intended strategy is intended and a deliberate strategy is deliberate’.  A most useful and revealing observation!  A variant on the Tautologist is the Repeater who repeats the same point again and again, paragraph by paragraph and answer by answer.  No extra marks are awarded.
 
The Vice-versa explains in detail a point which contradicts a previous point.  (‘The advantage of a budgetary control system is that it motivates managers. Later, in the same answer: ‘The disadvantages of the budget system is that it demotivates managers.)  A variant on the Vice-versa candidate is the Double-Negator, best illustrated by the following example: ‘It is not recommended that the company does not invest according to the predictions which are given above but which are not supported by informed view which itself is negative.’ Of course, the answer would daunt even the most conscientious of markers!
 
The Mark Ignorer is often identified as the candidate with a brilliant (and lengthy) answer to one question:  with other questions not attempted or answered only inadequately.
 
The Mental Gymnast provides the wrong answer (often hideously inappropriate) to a series of complicated calculations without leaving a trail of workings, seemingly from mental dexterity and agility.  In the absence of supporting figures and rough calculations the marker is unable to discern the mathematical logic behind the wrong answer and is therefore unable to award any marks.  A variant on the Mental Gymnast is the OTT-er who by presumably pushing wrong buttons on a calculator gets a fantastically over-the-top answer (say, with numerous zeros added to the end of a figure) which he or she unequivocally submits as the answer.
 
The Redundant-wordsmith seems to be at pains not only to rewrite questions (in the same way as most of us were taught to do at primary school), repeat points over and over again (almost sub-consciously) but also to build redundancy within sentence construction.  This is best illustrated by the statement, ‘In this day and age.’ – think about it!  Candidates have limited exam time and it essential that every word and sentence has the potential of drawing marks.  A variant on the Redundant-Wordsmith is the Fulsome-Concluder who seems to have a mindset that each piece of work, no matter how short, should have a conclusion that reiterates the preceding discussion.  Conclusions in exams are simply that – they occur at the end of a complete answer - after all points have been raised and discussed, and are used to venture an opinion favouring one view or another. 
 
The Forsooth (the Clearly-Certain) considers some facts to be so self-evident that they are not worth mentioning and therefore excludes them from discussion and explanation.  It is important to demonstrate total knowledge in the exam and marks are awarded on the basis of the number of points raised or discussed.  It is an essential requirement to look upon the marker as a person devoid of all knowledge, and then to miss nothing - however insignificant - from your answer, providing the matter has substance. 
 
 
So be it! There is some advice.  Some will heed and others not!  But at least you can’t say we haven’t tried.